Just not there yet.......

Im freaking out, havent slept, I have a box of tissues by my bed wat is happenin to me? life some are saying. I am not together yet and now i am seeing it!. I see that things wont happen right unless u do it right and yes I really see it now. Its like im getting taught a lesson to make me a stronger person. And yes its working. I had to get out of that cus I didnt have the right person bringing me up when i needed it. Though love is a strong thing and i care so much about this person, maybe this isnt the time or he isnt the person. As bad as that sounds and as hard as it is to get a grips of, it is true.

Everyone is rooting for me, and I know that I will be blessed at the end I have to do my part first. But why is it so hard to do wat is right? I can do wat is bad in a heart beat but its just so very hard to do right. It isnt that i dont want to do right its just harder gettin there. You get tired. So I think im getting the hint very quickly after a conversation i had wit a friend all this morning . Made me realize that we havent grown at all its the same old shit ( excuse me) and idc if he doesnt admit it but i will.

I have grown and i will every day , but its like backwards now. Im like im not gettin into this again! im smart this time around! lol and a whole lot stronger. I had to be and im glad i am. love makes u do so much but hey i got hip to that and im like we both go issues we change or i go. simple cus regardless i will  change for the better just dunno how long it will take. i need that first step stupidly thinking that he would be like lets do it together im like oh right......*hits forehead wit palm of hand.* lol

I also realized something, that when im upset my inner french woman comes out lol yeah! I wrote this by myself in french cus its how i feel. very strait forward and to the point. so i will type it for u then translate it. I did this all wit a cup of coffee and this is yet one more of my coffeehouse confessions coming out.

In french

votre amour est quelque chose qui me urks
vous êtes surport Non pour moi
tomber en amour serait stupide maintenant. donc je vais prier
Si c'est non, c'est la fin, Je t'aime

Translated:

Your love urks me.
You are no support to me.
Falling in love would be stupid, so I shall pray.
If not, it is over, I love you.


And i'll end it like that. see u in my next blog....